I come from a long line of divorced people.
That was the line that I used to give men whenever I needed an excuse to NOT be in a serious relationship. It was through my husbands persistence and patience that I began to understand what my hesitation was. After a lot of soul searching and self examination I figured out that growing up in a family full of women erased my need for a man.
Cycle of Divorce
My grandmother divorced my grandfather back in the 50’s. My mom divorced my dad in the 70’s. We grew up with absolutely no men present whatsoever. I remember being 11 years old and watching one of my aunt’s change the oil on her car. I remember being a teenager and my mom approaching a boy who bothered me with a baseball bat. It was my mom who taught me how to drive, fight and use a lawn mower. My sister and I had no brothers so it was up to us to remove trash, kill bugs, you name it As for what I remember about the men in my life? I remember the beatings my dad gave my mom. I remember hearing my grandparents curse each other. I remember my father failing us. I watched my mom and aunties cry with bruised faces. This caused me to despise men deep down inside. It caused me not to treat most of them very well. That all changed when I met and fell in love with my husband. Somehow he was able to break through all of my protective layers to see and allow me to be, who I am. Because of his love, counseling and my own self-exploration I have been able to overcome my inner-contempt for the male species. I have been able to issue forgiveness to people who never apologized. My husband offered me a type of security that I have never had before, unconditional love. I am now able to break the cycle of divorce that exists in my family as we work through and honor our union. I intend to be a living example for my sons and daughter and show them what a healthy Black marriage looks like.
As my husband and I navigate this thing called marriage we are both aware that we are setting a new path for our family and our future. One thing that we know for sure is that together we will break the cycle of divorce.
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