I’ll never forget that day. I’d worked 10 hours not including the 2 hour trip there and the 2 hour trip back. Work was just crazy on that summer day 7 years ago. When I got home, all I wanted to do was sit down and zone out. But what met me at the door would prevent relaxation from ever happening. Yes, it was nothing short of a tragedy. A real “Hair”tastrophe if you know what I mean. What met me at the door was my then 3 year old daughter who was happily rocking a dried, matted, AND lopsided afro. You see my husband, in order to help ME out, thought it would be a good idea to take down ALL of the 2 strand twists on our daughter’s head.
Furthermore, he felt it would be beneficial to wet her hair after that (not wash it, just wet it).All of this was done so that when I get home I could just go ahead and finish the job that he started and we would all live happily ever after. My thoughts immediately went to a rage that he could never understand. HE had never done our daughter’s hair. He did not know that I would now have to re-wet her hair, apply conditioner and then detangle the hair of a screaming child who was now grumpy and tired. On top of that I was also irritated and grouchy.
I could have strangled my husband on that day. Back then I was not natural myself so I didn’t know that using thick conditioners with great slip is best for detangling. I didn’t know that parting the hair into sections would make the process much easier. I didn’t know anything about proper maintenance and care for natural hair. All I knew was that this was gonna take hours to fix and I was exhausted. I threatened severe consequences if he ever touched her hair again and thus began my husband’s retreat from having ANYthing to do with our daughters hair.
Since then her entire hair regimen is my responsibility and mine alone. Don’t get me wrong, I truly enjoy doing her hair now that I know how to take care of it, but every now and then I wish I had a little help in that area. My daughter thinks it’s amusing when we tell the story of the time daddy tried to do her hair. Looking back, I know that I was wrong for forbidding him to touch her hair ever again… Especially since he was willing and trying to help. At this point she may just be too old for him to get started with doing her hair again. I never want this to happen to anyone else so here are 3 suggestions that I wish I had followed when I had a willing helper. These suggestions can apply to any marital situation, actually, but we will just apply them to hair situations involving kids today.
Don’t get mad because he doesn’t do things the way you do.
Who does? If he is getting the job done and the child is happy, then let it be. A lop sided pony tail or two never hurt anybody.
Compliment and encourage when he tries.
Men are no different then we are when it comes to positive reinforcement. They want it and we should give it to them, especially when they are trying to help.
Keep him involved in the process.
Split up hair duties and give him something active to do. Maybe he can be the “detangler” or the “untwister”. No matter what the task is, keep him involved. My husband is the “supplier” he now knows which hair supplies to get for us and where to go to get them.
In retrospect I wish I had a different response on that fateful day, but hey… hindsight is 20/20. right? The bottom line is to never turn away someone who legitimately wants to help you with your kids natural hair.
Who does the hair in your household? Does your mate ever help?
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